Thursday, March 21, 2019

Day 164

Thanks for the mammories.

Big day tomorrow.  DMX.  OHSU.  6am.  

One minute I am excited to get this cancer the hell out of my body, the next minute I am scared out of my mind that they'll find even more cancer or lymph node involvement and I'll have to do radiation or god forbid, more chemo.  Then the next minute I am like, wait, wtf?!?!  No way in HELL you are taking my boobs.  Almost to the point of a big fat grown up fit.  Not pretty.  

I still can't believe this is real sometimes.  Tomorrow I am sure things will feel very real when I start the next big battle.  The first of four surgeries.  I will need to refocus my energy, not into the idea of what just happened to me physically, but into healing my body and my soul.  

I was wondering what I should do to mark the occasion.  Like is there some sort of ceremony I should hold for my soon-to-be-gone boobs or something?  Should I burn sage, or take pictures of them? No idea. I do feel it's important to do something to honor my before surgery body and celebrate the "whole" me before the new me emerges from the ashes, but honestly I have not had the time or energy to do anything no matter how many easy Pinterest projects there may be.  I have a feeling I will regret not doing something more but the clock keeps ticking towards tomorrow and still nothing to commemorate the girls.  I have been so busy with work and momming, that this will just have to do.

So, without further adieu, a big shout out to my boobs.  Thank you for serving your purpose and doing a hell of a job.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't going to miss you terribly and I cried my eyes out today over you like a big baby.  I will never be the same without you, but I hope to be better when you are gone.  

I love you all.  Please send me the good kind of vibes tonight and I will check in with you on the other side (most likely on IG).

Get some sleep for me, I'm not sure that's happening here tonight!



  1. No BABY you big girl you!!! ���� you kick ASS, and are STILL kicking it!!! Damn, I love you! ��

  2. Shoot, those are all kisses and hearts! :)