Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Day 268

I'll take some estrogen with a side of estrogen, please.


I am having such a hard time with the post-hysterectomy me.  In particular, I can't get these effing estrogen patches to stay on.  Why does this matter, you may say?  Well, I have learned that you do not mess around with hormones, like ever.  I got myself into a little situation last week.  I had an auto refill prescription en route to me in the mail and I had already burned through my entire month's supply of estrogen patches in two weeks which ended up in me being without estrogen for almost a week.  I am not sure any package has been tracked more LOL.  Anyway, I won't get into great detail but definitely not a good time. 

Currently, I have my estrogen patch virtually super-glued to my ass.  OK, well Tegaderm and first aid tape, but I am being super real about my inability to act like a rational human being without estrogen.   I am already on the second patch of my one month supply that I got a week ago, so looks like I'm on course to have another "estrogen cleanse" in a few weeks.  Hoping my ONC-GYN can help me out.  I emailed her on Monday, so cross your fingers for me.

In other news, I got the call this week that my implant exchange and reconstruction surgery was rescheduled for 7/24.  Initially it was scheduled for next Friday as an outpatient procedure and I was SOOOOOO excited to get these tissue expanders the hell out of my body and be done with big surgeries.   But, apparently they think I might try to die or something, and consider me to be super high risk because of my previous two surgeries and my near dead 80/40 blood pressure, combined with my BAV.  And, I quote, "the anesthesiologist won't touch you unless you are at the main hospital".  That was a nice thing to hear and has instilled so much confidence!  I can't WAIT to go under again.  I guess if I do check out under anesthesia, I've had enough surgery to know that I won't even know what happened.  

Initially, I was really bummed to hear the news and was a big crying mess.  I am sure that came from my desire to get this last piece over with coupled with the fact that tissue expanders are not comfortable at all and I have some repair work on each side that I need done since I have damage from my mastectomy that has left me in a lot of pain as well.  So there's that piece.  And, shockingly, I had everything planned out.  My schedule around time off from work, the kids, aftercare, nailed down!  As a single parent, it takes a lot more coordinating to pull off  a surgery than someone that has a partner.  So that was annoying that they just call and blow up your entire life like it's no big thing.  Now I am more OK with the change, although still a little disappointed.  I would rather be at the hospital in case I do try to die on everyone.  So I got over myself pretty quickly on that.

And good news! I decided that I will be doing the additional chemo beginning the end of this month as well.  I never really did get a good answer on the "why" other than, "just in case".  But, if this shit comes back and I didn't do this last step, I would NEVER be able to live with that.   My oncologist also wants me to have a screening of my pancreas, because with my gene mutation there is an increased chance of pancreatic cancer,  which as you may or may not have heard, is really bad.  Yay for more scan-ziety!.  Seriously will this ever be over?!?!!?

YES!!  It will!!  I know this because I asked my oncologist what care looks like after I complete all my surgeries and chemo, like, do I get annual scans or something?  Nope.  All that happens is I get a complete body scan and if it's clear they swat you on your ass out the door and say GOOD LUCK!

Wait.  What???  Yep.  

So that's fucking scary too.  I want it to be over but when it is, literally nothing?  How do I know I'm not growing more shit in my body?  I'm sure that'll be the topic of another blog, another day; the figurative ghost in the room with me the rest of my life.

But for now, I am getting ready to head to Palm Desert tonight for the long weekend all by myself (!!!!!!) for my "pre-op self care mini vacation".  Oh yes, that's still happening, even though they rescheduled my surgery.  I mean like I need a reason to go to Palm Desert, but whatever.

As far as what's been up with me, you can catch up on my IG here.  The boys are working full time for the summer and it has been hilarious for me to experience their angst about adulting.  Jess is doing some babysitting.  The Marine Corps recruiter has been visiting. I'm sure there will be more, but I think David's sold. Man, I just realized I need to get senior pictures scheduled like now....anyone know anyone?  

Otherwise the usual crazy busy at work and home.  I've been excitedly preparing for my backfill at work so I can step into my new role in my quest to dominate the world through HR, and also cramming all my summer house projects into a few weeks in case the four months of chemo is awful, 'cause you know, it's chemo.

Love you all, have a safe and happy 4th!


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