Day 289

No boobies for me today.

My boobs have been lost.  Seriously folks, they have scoured the OHSU campus and they are nowhere to be found.

So after you're done laughing, because the humor isn't lost on me either, I am really upset and having a hard time absorbing this.  

I was SO ready.  Not only do I need to prepare for surgery at home and work, but emotionally.  This was literally one of the last steps in moving forward.  And it was ripped right out from under me, for a reason that seems un-freaking-real.  

First of all, my initial implant surgery on the 12th of this month was rescheduled at the last minute.  I am also waiting to start chemo until after my surgery, so this will ultimately delay my treatment.  Then I'm sitting in pre-op all marked up and ready to go, with an IV (which as you may or may not know, is really hard to do with chemo veins) and my poor surgeon, who is an amazing and wonderful person, has to come in and tell me they lost my boobs.  I joked and asked him if he had a spare pair in his trunk we could use.  But inside I was dying.  I'm not sure who was more upset, him or me.  I am sure heads will roll at OHSU if he has anything to do with it.  And, since he has a few hours to spare now, I am sure he's doing just that.  Why on earth wouldn't they have them well in advance?  It seems crazy to me.  I mean, isn't there a boobie checklist or something?

• Surgeon.  Check.
• Anesthesiologist.  Check.
• Boobs.  Check.

Simple, right?

Anyway, I tagged the hospital on my (rightfully so) "woe is me" post on IG and they've already reached out and apparently someone from patient relations is supposed to be calling me.   I'm not really sure what they can do other than apologize.  I mean do I get a free stay or water bottle or something for my trouble?  Nothing will really ever make this better.  Other than for someone to find my implants somewhere and get my surgery done, like tomorrow.

I spent the evening on my couch last night shaking from nerves about today and I really don't want to do it again.  I know it may be hard to understand for some and no one will really know what to say other than "that sucks", but the idea of being done with this process and being one step closer to "over" is something that we breast cancer patients cling to and really need to make it through all the shit we have to endure.  And in an instant it's gone, albeit for now, and it's a bitter pill to swallow.  

I'm upset.  I'm pissed.  I'm devastated.  I'm done venting.

Oh, and I just got a call from the scheduler and we are on for the second attempt next Monday afternoon.  I asked if we could just ship the new boobs to me and I will bring with.   Just an offer.  My surgeon is coming on his day off, which his nurse said he has never done before, and I am grateful to him for that.  What a freaking roller coaster.

I'm exhausted.

Love to you all, thanks for listening and for your kind words and support.

XOXO